I’m a little bored, so I’ve decided to give way to my amateur writer aspirations and put together a list of all the things that annoy me and maybe, as a cathartic exercise, get them to annoy me a little less. Lets see it as some kind of therapy, but cheaper.
The order in which they’re listed is not indicative of their level of annoyance, I’m just writing as they pop in my head:
1- It annoys me to be writing this when I could be doing something more productive instead.
2- It annoys that they take me for a gringo around here and people often talk to me in English. It annoys me even worse that in New York I’m never taken for a gringo, and people talk to me in any language other than English.
3- It annoys me to find so many tourists everywhere I go, and the fact that I look like one annoys me too. It’s even more annoying how I don’t want to look like a tourist and I consider myself more important because I “travel” and they “visit”.
4- Children swarming around me at border-crossings annoy me. They offer “help” with paperwork in exchange for a tip, and it’s annoying that this annoys me so much because I know these poor kids don’t have any other way of making a living.
5- It annoys me to arrive at some city at night and take two hours to find the Hostel because I decided early on that a true traveler follows maps and not a GPS.
6- It’s really annoying that when I finally reach the Hostel I’m annoyed to find out that the room is smaller, and with less windows, than a prison cell.
7- It annoys me to be in the bad habit of flirting with each and every one of the women I come across. It annoys me more that they’re not irresistibly attracted to me the moment I glance at them. It annoys me to be so vain.
8- It annoys me to miss my house and my bourgeois lifestyle, with my warm little sofa, and my comforter made of half-feathers-half-cotton, polyester or whatever it is that makes it so snugly. It annoys me even more to know that when I go back home I’m going to miss everything that I’m doing right now.
9- It annoys me to find Burger Kings and McDonalds everywhere. Dressed up in local colors and aesthetics but serving the same shit as in Europe and the United States.
10- It annoys me to be profoundly atheist and yet find some sense of safety in carrying the image of the Virgin of Guadalupe in my motorcycle keychain. It annoys me even more to talk ill about the Catholic Church while also having to acknowledge that there are certain parishes that contribute immensely to their communities.
11- It annoys me to descend from the Spanish conquerors and yet smiling wide when I run into a fellow Spaniard. And we end up looking for a Bar where we can drink wine from Rioja and yearn for Iberian ham.
12- It annoys me to have an ego taller than the Statue of Liberty while at the same time my insecurities are bigger than the Liberty the Statue represents.
13- Harley bikers who only ride in the summertime annoy me, so full of themselves and making so much noise. The philosophy of these fat guys in their leather outfits annoy me, because it has nothing in common with the ideals of freedom and rebelliousness that were born from motorcyclists back in the 50’s and 60’s. It annoys me even more that they always seem to be surrounded by hot chicks.
14- It annoys me to be connected 24 hours a day, and it annoys me even more to arrive at a Hostel and find out it has no internet service.
15- It annoys me beyond belief to never belong to a group. And it annoys more, if possible, to be a part of any group.
16- Lastly, what annoys me the most is to be the way I am. No, there’s something that annoys me even more: to be so in love with myself.
From Antigua, Guatemala, these were Don Solaris’ thoughts right before dinnertime.
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| This is me, thinking about all the things that annoy me. |
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